Holiday Blues: 7 Realistic Coping Ideas For Getting Through This Most Wonderful Time of the Year
The Holiday Season is a magical time of year, full of giggling children, songs that were overplayed 40 years ago, and excitement for what’s to come with the beginning of a new year.
But, what about when it’s not? For too many, this focus on all that is family and friends, glittering bright, it can be a slap in the face with reminders of loss, trauma, loneliness, and gut-wrenching pain.
Although it is a myth that suicide rates are higher at this time (they actually might be lower), it does not negate how just plain HARD it can be to get through these times.
When the pressure is on to buy, buy, buy, and you just have no funds; when family time is as healthy and enjoyable as drinking the water in Flint; when you’ve lost someone you love and can only think of what once was; when maybe you’ve never loved at all; and, when “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” is a blaring warning to HIDE, this time of year may feel like pure torture.
For those folks, here is a list of 7 realistic coping strategies to get you through…
- Protest capitalism
If you can’t afford gifts, especially lots of pricey ones, this is a great time to stop trying to play the game. You can always try to make your loved ones gifts that show your thoughtfulness and willingness to spend time creating just for them. Of course, in this day and age, you run the risk of sneers in response to your handmade scarf/reminiscent video/ sculpted family portrait/ teapot. Honestly, that is more about them than you. There’s no point in trying to impress such individuals. So don’t try.
- Be Selfish (within reason)
This is a time of year when giving is a moral priority for society. Sometimes, however, we are so depleted that only fumes are left to give. You are allowed to say “no”, whether it is for the office holiday party, you mother’s dinner, or Christmas mass (have you even been to church this year?). Say “no” to touring the light displays in that neighborhood (you know which one). Don’t hesitate to say “no” to the pressure to stay out past bedtime and get drunk as a celebration of changing the last digit of the date (which you won’t remember to finally do until March anyway). You can definitely say “no” family rituals that mask all the conflict and suppressed emotions over the years. And, above all, you must say “no” to the self-hating, critical voices in your head that tell you you aren’t lovable or good enough. Just, no.
Pamper yourself. Take a bath. Wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket. Go to the movies. Have your own party. Make your own rituals. Connect with others who are struggling. Give yourself the proverbial oxygen mask first – you have to be able to breathe to give anything to anyone else.
- Be around other people
If you are able to reach out to friends, family, or other supportive people in your life, DO SO! Go to a friend’s house for the holidays, write a letter to your therapist, call your long-lost 3rd cousin, and utilize the network you have. On the other hand, if you are in a place right now where this won’t work, then find other people. No matter where you are, there’s a Chinese restaurant open on Christmas. There’s a Starbucks open on New Year’s Day. Or there’s an Irish Pub open at 8a on every day. Drinking at 8a might be helpful for about 5 minutes, but if you can nurse a drink and not get carried away, this might be an option for you. Being around people who also are alone, not celebrating, or from an entirely different culture can ease that lonely ache just enough to make things bearable. Get out of your house and be near humans.
- Immerse yourself in nature
Cats, squirrels, and damning beavers could care less that it is yule time. Go somewhere that allows you to connect to the earth. Watch the Discovery Channel. Observe how animals interact and engage with the world around them – it’s pretty messed up if you watch long enough. Trees, fresh air, and water are surprisingly healing if we can take it in. With all the money you saved by protesting capitalism and saying no, you can use it for an AirBNB in the deep woods or, alternatively, south Florida. Or, you can just spend the day in your local park. Either way, connecting with nature can be physically relaxing, nurturing, and maybe even peaceful.
- Get out of your head
It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing if you cannot escape the painful thoughts in your head. Distraction is key. You might need a list of 500 things to occupy you during this next week, but it’s a list worth cultivating. Because, remember, this time will pass and you just need to get through it intact. So, clean your home, do some laundry (when was the last time you washed your jeans?!), learn how to solve a Rubik’s cube, cook an elaborate meal just for yourself, write your memoirs, take up Rosetta Stone, move on to Italian once you’ve mastered Spanish, sew a sweater (bonus if you give this as a gift next year), finally understand the real story of Peter Pan, or start your taxes early. Just keep busy.
- Exercise
Even though this might be the time of year where you want nothing more than to curl up under a blanket and never come out, you cannot give in to this. Be selfish and give in …. To a point. Then get up and move your body. It will love you for it. Hate exercising? Make it fun. Find an old Jane Fonda or Richard Simmons video and do that. Go for a long walk, walk up and down some stairs, or take a boxing class. In some cities, they now have rooms you can rent where you can just smash stuff. No matter how much you want to shut down and do nothing, force yourself to move anyway. It can make all the difference in the world.
- Laughter
Tears and pain may be never-ending right now. All the more reason to find moments to laugh. Netflix and YouTube have no shortage of videos, bloopers, tv shows, stand-up specials, and sketches to fit your individual needs. Dogs that ride on ponies, cats attacking an alligator, or hedgehogs getting bellies rubbed – there’s a video for you. Sometimes we like to wallow in our pain, but this can inevitably lead to a point of such overwhelm that we start to suffocate. Finding moments of laughter is not negating the suffering you are experiencing, it is not a betrayal of your needs, and will not solve all your problems. But, it is like medicine for the soul. So treat yo self and laugh a little.
At the end of the day, remember that this is a relatively short-lived period of time that you can and will get through. The more you can take care of yourself and find moments of your own joy and pleasure during it, the stronger you’ll be.
Also, don’t watch the news. JUST STAY AWAY.
Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and believe in your inherent beauty and worth. More than anything, that’s what this season is about. So embrace you.
